This is a story I found while surfing the net:

Depression made itself my lover. It was there for me when I needed it. It held me close and taught me how to live in a world in which nothing seemed to matter. A happy existence became a distant memory and eventually even the memory became so distant it disappeared beyond the horizon. Nothing seemed to help. The depression was stronger than the drugs they gave me to fight it. It laughed at Welbutrin, fought off the Zoloft, and kicked Celexa in the teeth. The only thing that seemed to work was the vodka I poured down my gullet on a daily basis. Looking back, I guess it didn’t help so much — it just numbed me to the point I no longer cared. It is easy to forget you’re depressed when you are too drunk to see straight. Alcohol was my answer, that is, until I found Vicodin. Opiates turned out to be the most effective anti-depressant I had ever used. Vicodin is a bit pricier than alcohol but that wasn’t a problem — at least for a while. The doctor would give you a lot if you said you hurt your back and you would be surprised by how much you can find in other people’s medicine cabinets. Seeking, searching, and filling the void depression had created became my life. Nothing else mattered. I stopped working and started using full-time. I utilized my skills of manipulation; I pulled this off for quite some time. Money would trickle in from here or there. I had let my depression turn me from an intelligent productive person into an alcoholic drug-user. This pattern of depression, use, and abuse continued for 11 years. I caused more pain that I would ever care to remember.

11 years is a long time to be lost. Wandering aimlessly through life, never learning the lessons one should learn through their 20′s is a hard realization to wake up to. I woke up a child, stuck at 15. My ID said I was 26 but my brain didn’t agree.

I have spent the last 12 months trying to make up for 11 years of reckless behavior. Looking in the mirror is becoming easier each day. Making amends for the destruction I left in my wake is now my driving force. Helping others overcome their pain helps me through mine.

Filed under: F.Y.I.